5 July 2020

A letter addressed to my 2019

In 2017 I wrote my first letter to my previous year 2016 and published it here on my blog. Over the years I have carried this tradition through with letters written to 2017 and 2018. At the beginning of this year I penciled in my letter to 2019 but never got a chance to complete it. We are half way past 2020 and I couldn't help but finish it up.
I'm very mindful that my life has not been the open book that I hope for it to be on this platform but as I've expressed before, this last year hasn't been my best one yet and I hope that in this letter you will catch a glimpse of what that journey looked like. Without further ado,
Dear 2019,
I remember entering in tired, confused and as a result, unbothered.
In me was no fight left for the journey I had been commissioned to walk.
What I ought to do to pick up the tab required a cost, a cost I was not prepared to pay.
So not as to address the matter at hand I fed my flesh until I couldn't feel my spirit.
And as the days and months passed by I could feel myself dry up from the inside out.
Until this one day when I broke down and
 finally addressed the elephant in the room in what was a very raw, authentic and unfiltered conversation with my Father.
And I'm glad that this conversation was had because had we not, I would have picked up the tab in blind obedience, following because He had said and not treasuring the why.
Stepping back in faith took me a while
but in the in-between He never stopped speaking as long as I was attentive to listen.
I had fresh revelation over crushing and this made me reverence the season I was in.
I stopped cherry picking parts of the promise and learnt to accept the fulness of His Word.
So when He said to you 2019,
''you will go out weeping as you sow your seed but you will come back singing songs of joy as you reap your harvest''
I had to fully accept both sides of that equation.
I also had to accept that it was never about me and fight for the nations in me.
 I won't lie, it took me a while to grasp these truths
that in a season of wholeness I wouldn't struggle to accept.
But have mercy on me, 
I was in a dry and barren land where I lived out most of my days feeling foreign and longing for home.
Then a Word came to me,
''it's beginning to rain'' and tears rolled down my face.
I knew then that the next half of your year would not be like first half!
Was it instant? Absolutely not!
But as I started the motion of trusting again, believing again, walking again and praying again, 
with each step home was finally within reach.
Oh 2019;
if I had the option to erase you I would 
yet everything about you is part of the story I will tell. 
A round of applause goes out to you;
for acknowledging that for a nation to be born labour is inevitable,
for falling short a thousand times but still standing up for truth,
for trusting Him even though it hurt like hell and
for marching on even when the battle seemed lost.
For it was only because you continued to walk by faith and not by sight 
and refused to be found without the one thing He continues to ask of you - faith -
that we finished having won in part.
Did I imagine I would be walking in unfulfilled promises for many more days to come?
I hoped not!
Yet if it is at His request let it be so!
I guess for you it is a privilege that I am writing this letter from the other side - 2020.
Yet the only thing I will let you in on 
(that was already revealed to you)
is our relationship with His Spirit is paramount to this season.
It is how''graves will be turned into gardens''
and on that day be rest assured that we will laugh with joy. 
From me to you,
oh the love, mercy and faithfulness that was shown throughout your days
 in your most undeserving moments will remain with me for years to come.
He really does chase after us! 
Farewell, you have not been in vain friend!


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